“You just wasted it.”
Everyone of us has a ticking clock on our head. As I’ve dove headfirst into the teachings of Marcus Aurelius in “Meditations,” I realized a few things. Marcus was very concerned with mortality. He believed that we all had a set amount of time, regardless of who we are, what we believe, and what we do. In many ways, he is one of the first existentialists ever to put these thoughts into words. He mentioned thinkers such as Heraclitus, pondering the world and all of its celestial mysteries, eventually reduced to being filled with dirt and water. Heraclitus drowned himself. All of us meet this fate eventually, some of us, sooner than others. Heraclitus, being a well-known, revered thinker of his time and in the now, met equally with his fate. Winning, failing, succeeding, falling, we will all meet the same fate.
Failure is sort of like death. Death is a new beginning in many ways and in many traditions, especially in the Gods of the Norse faith. Their death means a new beginning in their stories. In Christianity, death springs forth new life, a place called Heaven opens its gates to us and brings us to our long lost friends, loved ones, parents, dogs and Jesus.
When one fails, one becomes a new person, remolded by their new experiences and understandings within the world. Sometimes, becoming a new person can be a very painful thing, which is the truth of failure. Failure is painful. But pain is necessary, as torn muscles give birth to a stronger body and a stronger mind.
However, in the modern day, with the sedentary, convenient lifestyle, most of us find failure and sit with it. There is no punishment. There is no parent to correct you when you mess up in your older age. You just have your failures. You sit with them; they become a part of you.
There is no such thing as failure as you get older. There is no trying again. There is no trying harder. There is one attempt, usually. And that is all you get in life. Life doesn’t punish you with corporal punishment. Life can’t. You just end up with a basketful of regrets. A bunch of I should haves or I could haves. Excuses. There is just you. Sitting, wallowing in a pile of your own regret.
This truly is all we know we have. We must make the most of every day. You will not die if you fail, but your inner self will. Your life will become more net negative, with your failures piling up on yourself until you become your own Giles Corey, “more weight.” It is never too late to start again. It is never too late to pick yourself up and move forward. All we have is time, truly.
